Under the Bridge

Because
The world tried to imprison you in your own soul,
You were unfinished hands of solitaire, afraid to find out
Whether or not you'd ever be good enough to make it to the end,
To fit neatly into one of those four conclusions and maybe you never knew
Where in the game you stood, because cards were left unturned
And on days when the sun forgot to rise, you were forced to build your own
Or construct elaborate chemical illusions of the light,
The infrastructure to consciousness that told you "Look the sky didn't fall,
It just tripped over its own feet and I was here to keep it from crashing down"
And maybe that was all you ever wanted for yourself--
To stop playing solitaire, toss the cards to the wind and write your own ending for the day,
Maybe this was just what you were waiting for but you couldn't hear your own voice
Over the choruses of names they sang out to you, like cruelty would banish your demons back to Hell
And not just deepen the wounds to let them fester, further infection from their words
Until you were trying to anticipate what would come next just so that you could stand your ground
When everyone in the whole damn world seemed to want to bury you beneath it,

Because
Your life learned to grow inward and no amount of medicine or therapy could break the seal
And the pain eventually began to break through. Screaming spells, scarred wrists, bloody noses,
Like there was some way to make the effect tangible, the tidal waves of anger might recede...
If so uncontrollably you would burn from the inside, starting another fire from the outside might be your best bet
To kill the growth of the blaze and escape.

Because
You never saw what I saw when I looked at you,
You were too busy listening to the voices telling you that you were damaged
To hear me telling you that you were beautiful, even with the scars marching up and down your forearms
To me those were stories of what you had survived, and a testament to your strength,
And if anything they should hope to someday deserve the right to wear such badges of honor,
A diploma from the graduating class of "Against All Odds" they would never be able to boast of

Because
You etched your life into your skin and now that you are changing, the rest of the world
Is so far behind you that they don't even realize THEY ARE WRONG and they always were,
Because you have walked eons--you have stepped over the gaping mouth of the Atlantic,
You were shackled to a salt pillar in the motherland that wanted to sacrifice you to the psychiatric God of "psychosis"
And you fought so hard to break those chains because you knew there was so much more to see
You bathed in the Pacific when times were young, you transcend time and season
The purifying burn, the pain with the power to transform
You had returned home before they realized the world was even turning
And you had seen it all.

Because
You could sew their cruelty into your veins but never believe me
When I told you there was something so worth fighting for in you.
You are looking at yourself through a cracked lens of the past and you never saw
It was distorted from the beginning, because they built a point of view for you
That you grew far beyond. The frames begin to crack when you see yourself beyond
The medical diagnosis that is two part pills, three parts misunderstanding
And realize that you aren't playing solitaire at the lunch table trying so hard not to hear
Or pretending to be a statue of frost in midwinter--your heartbeat betrayed this facade long ago.

Because
I wanted to collect your rattling nerves in the palm of my hand and bridge the gaps in your soul
That you fear to cross lest you fall into one, because I heard a melody played on out-of-tune heartstrings
As different and something to celebrate, a thing of beauty rather than the afterbirth of a damaged being.

Because
I can still describe to you in detail the way the sky warps just before it's about to crack open
And the darkness on the far side of the clouded bowl of the heavens engulfs me.

Because
You wanted to kiss the wounded parts of my soul
And make it all better
But were afraid

Because
Lying beneath the bridge it felt as though it was something you had built just for me
To protect me from the falling pieces of the past as it rains down fire and brimstone

Because
I wanted to keep you there forever
Where no pain could touch you

Because
I wanted to protect you

Because
I wanted to save you from whatever it is that sneaks poison into your roots
And tells you that you aren't worth it

Because
The tightrope act we entertained daily--
Hatred flaming up on one side and tears like an ocean
Wishing to drown us on the other--
We survived,
And can look back on it now as a memory
That had less to do with the agony of our burning souls
And more to do with the beauty
Waiting when we reached each other.

Because
I believe in you even when you don't believe in yourself.

Because
I wanted you to see the same thing in the mirror
That I saw in your eyes, breathing across
The distance to your soul.